An “emotional divorce” refers to a situation where the partners are married in name only. Although they are still legally married, the couple experiences significant emotional separation. The situation often comes directly before an actual divorce.

In an emotional divorce, partners become increasingly disconnected from one another. This leads to a lack of intimacy, communication, and mutual support. The couple may live together, but they lead separate lives. They have few shared goals, do not do activities with one another, and have diverging interests. 

What are the signs of an emotional divorce? 

A Lack of Communication

A recent study published in March specifically looked at late-life or “gray” divorces and found that emotional divorces often long precede actual ones. In the study, the participants discussed growing apart while still married. A lack of communication was one of the most telling signs of an emotional divorce. 

Partners not only stop sharing their hopes and dreams with one another, they stop spending their time together. Conversations become superficial and cold, relegated to necessary topics such as household chores, their children’s well-being, or issues related to finances. 

Detachment and indifference replace warmth and affection. A lack of communication creates an emotional distance between the partners, who begin to operate more like roommates than spouses. 

Loss of Intimacy

In marriages characterized by emotional divorce, physical affection, and sexual activity are significantly reduced or absent entirely. Emotionally divorced couples likewise tend to experience very low levels of emotional intimacy. This is due to an underlying emotional disconnection characterized by a lack of communication. 

Heightened Levels of Destructive Conflict

Emotional divorces are often highlighted by heightened levels of destructive conflict. Couples are unable to resolve arguments and give up after multiple failed attempts. Over time, unresolved conflicts foster resentment and hostility. Partners begin to avoid one another to prevent further friction and bad feelings. This, in turn, leads to further emotional disconnection and a loss of communication. 

According to Gottman’s theory of the “four horsemen” of divorce, four destructive behaviors in a conflict can signal the end of the marriage. These include attacking a partner’s character, a lack of respect and sarcasm, refusing to take responsibility for one’s behavior, and withdrawing and refusing to communicate. 

According to Gottman, without open communication, misunderstandings and assumptions become more frequent. Trust is eroded as partners begin to doubt each other’s intentions. This leads to suspicion and insecurity. Over time, the emotional toll of repeated conflict can lead to emotional exhaustion. In an emotional divorce, the spouses may feel too emotionally run down to address persistent conflicts between the partners. This leads to a loss of communication and an increase in emotional distance. 

Talk to a Danville, IN, Divorce Lawyer Today

Chris Arrington represents the interests of Indiana residents who are considering a divorce. Call our office today to schedule an appointment, and we can begin discussing key elements of your divorce, including equitable distribution of the marital estate, alimony, child custody, and child support.