Sharing custody of a child will inherently produce strife at some point. Working through child custody issues during the divorce process is hard enough, but the real work starts when parents are forced to figure out how to negotiate child exchanges and important life decisions on a regular basis. Studies have repeatedly shown that children of divorced parents who engage in high amounts of conflict suffer a number of negative consequences, from a higher incidence of drug abuse to more frequent bouts of depression. This outcome is not a foregone conclusion though, as tools are available to alleviate this situation – one example being the parenting program created at Arizona State University in 1990 to address the needs of newly divorced parents. Researchers are now assessing how this model manifested across generations in the children’s parenting styles as adults. A discussion of behavior that can minimize the negative impact of disagreements on children, and when court intervention may be necessary to get the situation under control, will follow below.

Protecting the Child’s Interests

Shared parental responsibility is the preferred arrangement for child custody in most states, as legislators and courts now recognize the benefits of reasonable amounts of parenting time with both parents over the historical tendency to give one parent total control. Furthermore, parents who are secure in their custody rights have less reason to argue, and more incentive to find ways to compromise. If, however, regular interactions are proving to be a challenge, one option is to limit extended communications to weekly emails that address important details in the child’s life, unless an emergency situation arises. If, on the other hand, conflict is becoming more pervasive, avoiding the following behaviors will at least reduce transferring the emotion to the child:

• Losing your temper and shouting at the other parent, which a child is likely to assume he/she is responsible for creating. Instead, put the needs of the child first by listening to the other parent’s concern and try to find points of compromise, which will teach the child the important skill of how to defuse conflict.
• Trying to gain the child’s favor by being the “fun parent,” which is really about a power struggle with the former spouse. Alternatively, focus on quality time with the child, and remain reasonable about parenting time changes, so the child can gets adequate time with both sides.
• Using the child to send messages to the other parent. This behavior puts the child in the middle of an adult situation and forces them to choose sides, which is hugely detrimental. Other ways to communicate need to be explored, and child should never be asked to convey inflammatory messages.

When to Consider Court Intervention

Most forms of conflict over child custody can be resolved through a commitment by both parents to follow the best interests of the child, which may necessitate the involvement of a family or child expert to assist with learning more effective ways to co-parent. However, a few situations call for a parent to petition for court involvement and request restricted visitation and/or sole custody – violence or threats to withhold parenting time or take the child out of the state. Violence between parents endangers the child’s welfare and the parent’s safety and should never be tolerated. Additionally, a parent does not have the right to remove a child from the state or deny the other parent court-ordered parenting time. An experienced family law attorney can advise on mechanisms available to respond to this situation.

Get Help

Child custody will always be a challenging issue, but if you have concerns about your child’s welfare or your parental rights, contacting an experienced family law attorney to assess the situation is vital. Christopher L. Arrington, P.C. understand the challenges divorced parents face, and can help you protect your interests and your child’s wellbeing. Contact the Danville law firm to schedule an appointment.