In reading the news, you may have stumbled across the term “gray divorce.” But what does it mean, and why is it happening? Technically, a gray divorce includes individuals who are over 50 and who have been married for several years, even decades, who ultimately find that they want to pursue a divorce later in life. Why did they, after years of staying together, finally decide to untie the knot? 

New research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships indicates that the couples stayed together longer than they should have and reached some breaking point in the relationship that finally drove them apart. The study surveyed 44 divorcees aged 60 and over and found that there is usually a two-phase process behind the timing of late-life divorces. 

Staying Together While Growing Apart

The first phase of the process is staying together while growing apart. Researchers found that the first phase leading up to gray divorce often involves long-term dissatisfaction with the marriage. Couples stay together regardless and for various reasons. In one case, a respondent named Rachel reported that she stayed with her husband despite growing tension to keep her family intact. The couple still had a daughter who was living at home with them. 

According to Rachel, her former husband studied with 25-year-old girls, suddenly got a motorcycle driver’s license, and wouldn’t come home. She reported wanting a divorce long before that happened, but she decided to stay in the marriage because she had a daughter at home. In contrast, her former husband, Dan, said, “I went to study, and an amazing world opened for me.” He said he wanted his ex-wife to be a part of this world, but she eventually got fed up, or it did not interest her. The divorce was ultimately the final stop on a journey that had started years before. 

Realizing the Marriage Must End

According to the researchers, the second phase of the gray divorce is when the decision is finally reached to terminate the marriage after years of escalating marital distress. Often, the decision to divorce is triggered by a significant turning point or watershed moment that indicates that the marriage is no longer sustainable. These points of no return include specific events such as public fights that put the couple’s relationship on display, amplified instances of marital dishonesty, or extreme physical, economic, or emotional abuse. This often leads to a breaking point, and the couple decides to call it quits. 

Participants explained that they were in a better position to get divorced due to a lack of children in the home, changing sociocultural norms concerning divorce, increased emotional maturity, and a strong desire to enjoy the remainder of their lives. 

Talk to a Danville, IN Divorce Lawyer Today

Chris Arrington represents the interests of couples pursuing a divorce in Indiana. Call our office today to schedule an appointment, and we can begin discussing key aspects of your divorce, such as equitable distribution, alimony, child custody, and child support.